Personal Limitations

The personal limitations each one of us have to face, own and perhaps break through, can be excruciatingly difficult.

I've written about my older parents. One thing I'm learning from my relationship with them is that when you drop anger and self-righteousness you can find yourself in a  messy place. Anger, so neat and clean and often justified, is also an easy out.

Without my anger, I'm  seeing how much I disassociate within myself, how much I compartmentalize different awarenesses, making it hard for me to integrate everything.

All good stories, in some way, recount how anger, fear and disgust disconnect, while love connects. So, looking for something concrete I could do to grapple with all this-- I went to take pictures (which I love,) of two longstanding fears/hates: machines and basements.

And through the camera I think I was sorta able to make friends with what otherwise weirds me out.

I found an accidental Miro,

And an almost-elegance,

Like unearthed, unearthly jewlery.

But still, a lot of the stuff was pretty gross,

And dispiriting.

Some was funny (it would have been cheating to move things to make a better pic, but sometimes reality conspires with you.)

So, all in all, I'm slightly amazed how much grott I unthinkingly braved in search of a decent shot. Which tells me something--though I'm not quite sure what.

And in my personal life, I am grateful that circumstances have been such that I have been able to let go of anger, and have the opportunity to deal with this stuff while in an otherwise peaceful, supportive environment. I need all the love, affection, peace, vitality and support I can use in order to work out some stuff  I've never thought I could work out -- but which I now think, I might be able to resolve.