I love magazines, have
my whole life -- glossy pictures, jazzy text, and all those tips and topics
perfectly pitched to the attention impaired. It makes for an easy world to live
in, a fun world to relax in.
Still, as an over-50
female, I have noticed that in magazineland (except for "More,")
there are hardly any topics addressed to me. I mean, who decided that the two popular
topics for woman over 50 are: "Yes, You Still Have That Sex Drive!"
and "Do the Work to Reinvent Yourself!"?
Now, my response to
the first topic is that if that were true, it wouldn't even be a topic. For
instance, do you open the N.Y.T. and see the headline, "New Study Confirms
--16 Year Old Boys Have Sex Drive!"?
Is it possible that
sex drive articles for the post-menopausal female may not be exactly what these
articles purport to be? Ya think? What
is usually stated is that the myth of lowered sex drive can be fought. Fought?
If it is a myth, why do I need to make the effort? But the articles skip that
point to continue--Yes, any woman of mettle and spirit, with time on her hands
and sufficient funds can engage in the good fight. She can keep the terrifying
demon of nonsexiness (Boo! Hiss!) at bay. All it takes is a
head-spinning combination of creams, medications, meditations and interventions.
All it takes is more intention, work and vanity than drives LeBron James. All
it takes is the ability to catch reality by the throat and strangle to it falls
dead at your feet.
But me, I like
reality.
That's right, I like
having a lower sex drive. It's O.K.
It is as if I were 13
again, and 13 before that fateful day in the 8th grade restroom. Do you
remember 13? I do, I was smart at 13. A bit gawky from having grown 4 inches in
the last year, but highly sensible. Those years right before puberty are the
years when you are as smart as most adults but lack their crazy ways.
It's when you're the
responsible one who corrals your drunk parents through the airport at 2 A.M so
that you can get to bed before one of them passes out. It's when you wonder why
your older sister is gulping hysterically in the bathroom for what sounds like
utterly trivial reasons. It's when you notice that your tits are growing and
hope they don't get too big cause then you couldn't use your arms as well to
climb trees or throw a ball.
It's a great age. And
so is post-50.
So why doesn't anybody
write about it? You're hard-headed as an
adult who is not being jerked around by inner forces beyond conscious control. I
do not know about you, but I have done some seriously silly things in my time.
I have felt the pull of inexplicable temptation towards men that might be described as moronic, hostile
and/or vain. And all
this cause their hair fell, well, you know, just that right way across that
wild profile or their upper lip reminded me of Dad's. And all this even with the perfectly imperfect
husband whom other woman envied me for. A muted down sex drive, one that sounds
a hushed melody versus immutable cacophony, means something good. It means I
can finally get on with my life.
Because less sex drive
does not mean less life. I do not know why our society makes that mistake. What
I've got now is more appetite for life and love and beauty and happiness. What
it means for me is less distraction and more self-trust and self-like. What it
means is freedom of choice.
Because it's not as if
I have no sex drive. If I concentrate and consciously try, I feel that inner
tickle. But I have to will it. It is not spontaneous, leaping up in impossible
situations in response to difficult or inappropriate people.
This is something to
celebrate. And wonderfully, it means I do not even need to reinvent myself
because I am reinvented. My reinvention is just a question of finding out what
this reinvention means.
I realize that this is
not true of all woman. Each one of us is a different hormonal soup. But just as
there are articles celebrating a continuing sex drive, I want to see articles celebrating
a lessened sex drive because sex is an aspect of life. It is not life itself.
So here's to life and
freedom, to being 12 again but with all the knowledge and wisdom of 45 more
years added on. The world out there now looks so fresh, brave and new, and not
because it has changed, but because I have.
